he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
