he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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