Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
4 words: hood of his car
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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