wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
