she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
