Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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