Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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