I could make wine with my vomit
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
