My hair reeks of homosexuality.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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