the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
