We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was like eating out sand paper
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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