I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
