why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
