I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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