Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
