So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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