YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize