I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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