I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
