Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
