You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
