I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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