After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
