I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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