His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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