So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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