U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The power of my boobs compel you
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
