i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
