I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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