Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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