This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
