So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
