Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
