i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
