I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
