I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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