dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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