Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
