I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
