is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
