i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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