did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize