handjob tips. give me some.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
