This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
