Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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