I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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