guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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