Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
