I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
