I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
