she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
