I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we're making bets on your personal life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
