ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
