strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
