so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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