I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
