So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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