rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
