You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
