A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
