so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
