Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
