and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The best revenge is premature balding
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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