you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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