2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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