thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
