margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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