Just cropdusted the office
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You've changed since you got that strap on
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
